Mothering Within

The transcript highlights a critical issue: the way the justice system in Canada sentences mothers, particularly focusing on the devastating impact this has on their children and families. The core argument is that the system should prioritize helping mothers and keeping families together rather than solely imposing punitive measures that lead to separation. Nila, 57, and Melissa, 44, share their personal experiences of incarceration. Nila served time in federal prison from 2007 to 2009, and Melissa was incarcerated twice for six-month periods in 2013 and 2024. Both women emphasize that they were mothers when they entered the system, and their sentences resulted in the removal of their children and the severing of that crucial mother-child bond. Nila’s children were 8 and 10 during her first sentence, while Melissa’s were around 2, 9, and 13 during her first incarceration, and later 13, 20, and 25 for her second. A recurring theme is the perceived lack of consideration for the mothers' circumstances and their children during legal proceedings. Melissa recounts being unable to afford a lawyer and feeling that her extensive documentation, including letters from community organizations and mental health professionals highlighting her efforts to address addiction and her crime's connection to mental health, was disregarded. She was not offered alternatives like addiction treatment or rehabilitation, only the prospect of a lengthy prison sentence. She recalls asking the judge if she could hug her daughter, only to be denied by the sheriff, a moment that was deeply traumatic for both her and her child. Both Nila and Melissa were single mothers, meaning their children had no father figure in their lives and relied solely on them for care. The separation caused immense emotional distress for their children, who missed their mothers and struggled to explain their absence to peers. Nila's son expressed his fear and sadness about living without her, a sentiment that underscores the profound impact of maternal absence. While Nila and Melissa had family members who could care for their children, the transcript points out that this is not the reality for most incarcerated women. Many women lack family support, leading to their children being placed in group homes or foster care, further complicating and often permanently damaging family connections. Nila made an effort to write to her children from prison, apologizing for the pain and disruption caused by her incarceration and acknowledging the impact on their lives. The transcript also touches upon the difficult backgrounds of some incarcerated mothers. One woman shares a history of childhood sexual abuse by her mother's partner, and when she disclosed it, her mother did not believe her, damaging their relationship. Another woman describes a childhood marked by her father's suicide, her mother's controlling nature, and repeated sexual abuse by uncles, which her mother and aunt dismissed as lies. These experiences highlight how past trauma can contribute to present-day circumstances and criminal behavior. These women express a sense of responsibility for their actions but also feel that the justice system failed to address the underlying issues that led to their crimes. They believe that alternatives like rehab, parenting programs, or community-based sentencing could have been more effective in keeping families together. Melissa specifically believes she could have served her sentence in the community, having already been on house arrest for two and a half years prior, and that this would have prevented her family from bearing the burden of her incarceration, which she categorizes as an adverse childhood experience for her children. The transcript emphasizes that once mothers are in the system, the chances of children living with them again are slim, leading to lasting pain and societal consequences. Many women express a sense of hopelessness, feeling that without their children, they have nothing left, which can lead to further drug use and despair. The impact on children is also profound, with some developing resentment or distancing themselves to protect their own children from experiencing similar pain. The transcript also briefly acknowledges the amplified trauma faced by Indigenous and Black women due to generational trauma. It questions why these women might re-offend when they have no hope and their children believe they are unloved. Children who lose their mothers may engage in negative behaviors, seeking attention or a sense of belonging that they are missing. The speakers advocate for compassion, urging people to focus on helping rather than hurting. They call for caregivers to support children in maintaining a connection with their incarcerated mothers, emphasizing that a child's fundamental need is parental love. The ultimate hope is that this message reaches the right people to bring about change, prioritizing keeping mothers and children together and offering support and rehabilitation over solely punitive measures. The final thought reiterates that while behavior can affect a mother-child relationship, no one can take away the fundamental identity of being a mother.