She's 60 with No Retirement

A 25-year-old caller named Matt is seeking advice on how to help his 60-year-old mother, who is contemplating retirement in three years but is burdened with $40,000 in debt and shows no inclination to address her financial situation. Despite Matt's efforts over three years to guide her, his mother dismisses his concerns, often laughing them off. Matt, along with his wife, has successfully implemented financial strategies, including the "baby steps" mentioned, and has tried to use their progress as an example for his mother, but she remains unresponsive. The mother's debt consists of $20,000 in student loans from an unfinished degree, $16,000 in personal loans from credit cards, and an additional $4,000 in remaining credit card debt. While she believes she has a pension plan, Matt has reviewed her finances and doubts it will be sufficient to cover her expenses and debt in retirement. The hosts acknowledge Matt's frustration, explaining that it's a common struggle when trying to help loved ones who are unwilling to help themselves. They emphasize that while Matt's motivation to see his mother succeed financially is understandable, he ultimately has no control over her decisions. An adult must make their own choices, and his mother's current behavior indicates her decision. The advice given to Matt is to have one final, firm conversation with his mother. In this conversation, he should state that he will no longer bring up her financial situation unless she initiates the discussion and asks for help. He should clarify that while he is willing to teach and coach her, he will never provide her with money. The hosts suggest phrases like, "Mom, I'm not going to bring this up again unless you bring it up. If you need some help, if you want some coaching, fine. I'm going to be giving you zero money when you're old. So, you probably should figure this out. But I'm not going to beg you to do this stuff anymore. I want you to win with money more than you want to win with money. And I'm through talking to you about this and you laughing when I do it." This approach is based on the principle of not answering questions that aren't asked and not imposing advice on those who don't seek it. Matt has presented his experience and what has worked for him, but his mother has not embraced it. The hosts compare this to other personal struggles, like a friend who lost 100 pounds but couldn't motivate his wife to do the same; people only change when they genuinely want to. The hosts also touch on the "weird feeling" Matt might be experiencing as a 25-year-old who is financially outperforming his mother. This role reversal can make him feel like the "parent" in the situation, which is a natural part of growing up and realizing that one has surpassed their parents in certain aspects of life. The key takeaway is that when trying to influence someone you care about, instead of pointing out what they're doing wrong, it's more effective to share your own story and experience. Using "I statements" (e.g., "This is what I did, and I feel this way now") rather than "you statements" (e.g., "You're doing this wrong") places the responsibility on oneself and avoids accusatory tones. This approach might inspire someone to consider a different action, but ultimately, the decision to change lies with the individual. The segment concludes by reiterating the importance of letting go of the desire to heal others more than they want to be healed, whether it's regarding finances, spiritual walks, or weight loss.