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Communication is a vital skill, especially in today's world of technology and AI, where devices and external assistance can handle many tasks for us. While this can be a blessing, it also presents a challenge in how we communicate effectively to ensure our messages are received as intended. Sometimes, a subtle difference in wording can lead to success or a setback in our careers.
Ean McGoff, an editor for CNBC's Make It and a career coach, highlights that those who advance fastest in their careers are often adept at communicating messages in a way that truly resonates with the listener. He stresses that our daily communication habits, even the small words we use, can act as either a bridge or a wall between us and others.
Here are five simple techniques to adjust our communication and wording to encourage listeners to engage and help:
**1. Change Closed-Ended Questions to Open-Ended Questions:**
When we ask questions, especially in professional settings like discussions about working from home or requesting time off, we often seek clear, direct answers. This can lead to asking closed-ended questions that elicit a simple "yes" or "no" response. However, such questions can make the recipient feel pressured, as they are limited to two options, one of which might not fully align with their preferences.
By shifting to open-ended questions, we can reduce tension and facilitate a smoother conversation. This approach encourages the other person to elaborate, fostering collaboration and joint decision-making. It also allows us, as the questioner, to appear more thoughtful and considerate of others' perspectives.
For instance, instead of asking, "Can you help me write a letter of recommendation?" which invites a simple "yes" or "no," try, "I would like you to write a letter of recommendation for me. What steps need to be taken?" This open-ended approach is gentler, more pleasant to hear, and more likely to elicit assistance.
Similarly, instead of the blunt "Can I get promoted?" consider asking, "If I wanted to get promoted this year, what advice would you give me? What should I do, or what area should I focus on, to achieve that?" This opens a dialogue about the process and demonstrates a proactive desire for guidance, rather than forcing an immediate decision.
**2. Change an Apology into a Thank You:**
While apologizing for mistakes is appropriate, excessive apologies, especially for minor issues, can be perceived negatively. Constantly saying "I'm sorry" for small things can make us appear lacking in confidence or competence, according to research.
Instead, try to shift your perspective and express gratitude. For example, if you're late, instead of saying, "I'm sorry for arriving late," change it to, "Thank you for waiting." If you've asked many questions, rather than "Sorry for asking too many questions," try, "Thank you for taking the time to explain it to me." This makes the other person feel valued for their help and effort, creating a more positive interaction.
**3. Change "But" to "And":**
The word "but" can subtly undermine the first part of a sentence, making the listener focus on the latter part. For example, saying, "I love my job, but I want a raise," diminishes the sincerity of the initial statement and highlights the desire for more money. This can make the listener uncomfortable.
By replacing "but" with "and," both parts of the sentence carry equal weight, leading to clearer and more targeted communication. "I love my job, and I want a raise," presents both ideas as equally important, avoiding misinterpretation and fostering a more balanced message.
**4. Change "I Feel That" to "I Noticed" or "I Suggest":**
Starting a statement with "I feel that" can make the message seem subjective and based purely on personal emotion rather than objective observation or logic. This can weaken the impact of your statement and lead to the recipient feeling like the information lacks solid backing.
Instead, use phrases like "I noticed that" or "I suggest that." For example, instead of "I feel like we're working slower than planned," say, "I've noticed we're working slower than planned. I recommend that we speed up the process to reach the next stage according to plan." This approach lends more weight to your words, grounding them in observation or a constructive suggestion, rather than diminishing them with personal feelings. It avoids hurting people's feelings due to emotional phrasing and gives your words more authority.
**5. Change "Why" Questions to "How" or "What" Questions:**
Starting a question with "why" can often come across as critical, accusatory, or fault-finding. This can put the other person on the defensive, turning a potential collaborative conversation into a confrontation where they feel they need to justify or excuse themselves.
By simply changing "why" to "how" or "what," you encourage the other party to explain their ideas and reasoning more openly, without feeling attacked. For instance, instead of "Why do you think postponing the launch is a good idea?" try, "How do you think moving the launch date forward by one week would help our campaign?" This is similar to the open-ended question technique, as it doesn't explicitly state agreement or disagreement but instead invites a detailed explanation.
These word adjustments can make conversations flow more smoothly, foster cooperation, and build trust and respect. Even small changes in wording can have a huge positive impact on communication, making it a powerful tool for career advancement and harmonious interactions. It's recommended to start practicing these techniques today to experience their benefits.