I'm 62 And My Boyfriend Mooches Off Of Me

A listener called in to settle a long-standing debate with her boyfriend regarding household expenses. She is 62, and her boyfriend is 51. They both own separate homes and have separate home expenses, but he stays at her house about four nights a week. She believes he should contribute to rent or some household expenses, while he feels he shouldn't, reasoning that he takes her out to dinner once a week. The couple has been dating for six years and has been fighting over this issue for years. They have both been married before, and the boyfriend does not want to get married again. The hosts questioned why the caller was settling for this arrangement, suggesting that the continuous fighting indicated it wasn't working for her. One of the hosts, Dave, explained that he struggles to answer the question directly because he wouldn't be in such a situation himself; he would either get married or break up with someone who disrespects him by wanting to sleep with him but not marry him. He found it difficult to put himself in the caller's shoes to make the arrangement work. The other host suggested that the boyfriend has his expenses, and the caller has hers, concluding that the caller loses the argument. She then has to decide if she wants him to sleep there or not. The caller clarified that they can't stay at his house because it's twice as far from their jobs, and she has dogs that he doesn't want in his home. This revelation led to a deeper analysis of the situation. The hosts believe that the caller is using the request for financial contribution as a "workaround" for a lack of emotional connection and commitment from her boyfriend. They perceive her request for him to participate in bills and the rhythm of the house as a desire for a sign of commitment, a signal that they are "doing this thing together." However, the boyfriend's behavior—not wanting dogs, not wanting marriage, and not paying expenses—clearly communicates that he is not interested in a joint life. He sleeps at her house, gets what he wants, and then returns to his own life independently. The hosts advised the caller to be a grown-up, stop fighting about it, and either accept the arrangement or move on if it makes her miserable. They concluded that if she chooses to stay in the relationship, he wins the argument, and she has to decide if she wants to continue with the current expense arrangement.