Why We Should Refuse to Get Into Arguments

Daily life presents numerous invitations to lose our temper, from partners pressing "nuclear buttons" about our mothers or careers, to colleagues ignoring urgent questions, or rude shop attendants. We often miss that many people enjoy arguments, craving them to regain equilibrium and appease psychic discomfort. We're tricked into believing there are genuine issues, but the true motivation is often a person overwhelmed by their own aggression, hoping to alleviate it by spoiling our lives. They seek to evacuate their fury into us, using us as receptacles for emotional waste, or to distract themselves from their own conflicts and sorrows, seeking companionship in their sadness. We should resist these invitations by recognizing them as attempts by others to escape unbearable feelings. We don't need to join their "gladatorial quests." Their puzzling behavior isn't due to good reasons, but because they are in a bad state and believe they'll feel better once we engage in an argument. We must recognize this game and refuse to play, whether the provocateur is a spouse, stranger, child, or colleague. We have more important things to do, like repairing our own wounds and finding happiness, and must sidestep these conflicts.