My Husband Got Fired for Threatening His Boss

Mary, a newly married woman, is struggling to get her husband to address his significant debt and lack of employment. Her husband has between $35,000 and $40,000 in debt and lost his engineering job, where he was making $130,000, six months ago after threatening his boss. He has shown no motivation to find new employment, applying for only one job a month, and is currently drawing from his 401k to cover some bills and debt payments. Mary's salary is solely used to pay for the mortgage and household bills, leaving nothing left over, and she feels she is not getting ahead. The hosts express concern over the husband's lack of motivation and his apparent disassociation from the severity of their financial situation. They highlight that his family has encouraged him to take any job, but his pride prevents him from doing so, as he insists on waiting for a "comfortable" position. Mary has shared her fears and cried over the financial strain, but her husband's only response is "I'm sorry." He also does not take ownership of his actions, believing he was unfairly let go from his previous job and that it's never his fault. The hosts emphasize that this is a serious marital issue requiring a direct conversation. They suggest Mary needs to make it clear to her husband how unsustainable their current situation is, as her salary cannot cover all expenses, especially his debt. They also advise focusing on covering the "four walls" – mortgage, food, utilities, and transportation – before anything else. Mary is encouraged not to cover her husband's lifestyle expenses or debt payments, especially since none of his debt is in her name. Given the husband's lack of motivation and ownership, the hosts suggest considering marriage counseling, despite the financial constraints. They recommend finding a therapist to help them navigate this challenging period. However, if counseling is not an option or he remains unwilling to participate, Mary should prioritize protecting herself financially. This includes ensuring she has control over her finances and considering creating a separate account if they haven't already, to prevent him from draining their resources. The good news for Mary is that her husband's debt is not in her name, meaning she cannot be legally dragged down by it. Ultimately, Mary is advised to focus on increasing her own income, building an emergency fund, and creating more financial margin to protect herself from her husband's destructive behavior. The hosts express regret that she is going through such a difficult situation and stress the importance of her self-protection while hoping they can work things out through therapy.