Who Dreams of the Greatest Love? (it's not who you expect)

It is common to assume that romantic idealists—those who dream of a perfect "prince" or "princess"—must have had the most satisfying early experiences with love. However, the transcript argues that the opposite is true. Human nature suggests that the greatest idealists are often those who were most starved of affection and suffered from intense loneliness. When a person is deprived of love early in life, they develop a craving for a "highest" or "most perfect" love. This idealism serves as a compensatory mechanism; for instance, a lonely child might imagine a perfect friend who understands everything to escape an isolated or punitive environment. Unfortunately, this pursuit of perfection eventually becomes a prison. because the idealist has been so deprived, they find it impossible to tolerate the compromises required in real-world relationships. They reject partners who are "half good"—such as someone who is sweet but slightly overweight, or bright but irritating. Instead of accepting a "sandwich," the starving soul fantasizes about a "banquet." They become hyper-critical, picking holes in their partners over minor inconveniences like being late or forgetting groceries. For the idealist, the perfect becomes the enemy of the "good enough." The path to fulfillment involves recognizing that these dreams of a flawless being were survival adaptations from childhood. While these fantasies once prevented the individual from "going crazy" with loneliness, they are no longer necessary for an adult. To truly love on this earth, one must develop the inner resourcefulness to cope with the "half crappiness" of most people and things. By acknowledging that perfection is an impossible standard, an adult can learn to forgive flaws and find nourishment in what is imperfect. This shift allows for a more resilient form of love that accepts the inevitable gap between our high hopes and our messy reality.