65-Year-Old Left TV Career After Divorce… Met Her Online in Thailand

Tom, originally from Ohio, started his career in stand-up comedy at age 25, initially performing locally before expanding regionally and eventually moving to New York. There, he quickly gained recognition in prestigious clubs and transitioned into writing for late-night television, notably for the Conan O'Brien show. This opportunity arose when someone already working there contacted him, encouraging him to submit a writing package despite his initial reluctance, as he primarily saw himself as a stand-up comedian. Conan O'Brien liked his submissions and a stand-up tape, leading to a job. This union work provided health insurance and a pension, which later became a significant financial asset for his life in Thailand. Tom reflects on his career, acknowledging its astounding and fortunate nature, despite the hard work involved. However, he found that the excitement of his 20s and 30s began to wane by his late 40s. The creative work, while fulfilling in its puzzle-solving aspect, felt less like free-thought and more like fulfilling specific requirements for jokes or bits. He describes his writing process for TV, which involved reading multiple newspapers daily and listening to local news to find stories with comedic potential. He then delves into the hardest periods of his life before moving to Thailand. He describes a severe depression and anxiety that lasted several years, which he worked through with professional help and friends. This period coincided with the breakdown of his first marriage. He acknowledges that his wife at the time was right to end it, and he has since come to appreciate her decision. Soon after, his beloved dog developed a ruptured tumor and had to be put down, intensifying his despair. Another major struggle was his history with substance abuse, which began at a very young age, including his first blackout from alcohol at 11. He experimented with various substances but avoided injecting drugs. At 25, after a period of intense difficulties, he entered rehab as a last-ditch effort. He stopped using substances and has remained sober for nearly 40 years, a profound change given how deeply involved they were in his life. He likens this experience to Rodney Dangerfield's observation about performing sober, where life without artificial aid can feel challenging. He also shares a humorous anecdote about a communication misunderstanding with his current Thai wife. During arguments, she would repeatedly say, "Don't brain me," which he found confusing for years until he realized she was saying, "Don't blame me." Reflecting on his first marriage, Tom believes he was at a personal "bottom," trying to cling to unhealthy coping mechanisms. He admits to being emotionally shut down and withdrawn, often creating parallel lives with partners. The collapse of that marriage prompted him to re-evaluate himself and his relationships. He believes he now has a better capacity to see others as distinct individuals, rather than extensions of himself. He acknowledges a past tendency to subtly coerce people into doing things his way out of self-centered fear, believing himself fragile. However, falling apart helped him realize he wasn't as fragile as he thought, leading him to abandon those old patterns. This transformation, which began 20-25 years ago, preceded his current marriage. He met his current wife on a dating website nine or nine and a half years ago. He had dated several other Thai women, learning from those experiences, and initially questioned if he was "cut out to be coupled." However, his relationship with his current wife felt different and easier. He attributes this ease, in part, to the obvious cultural and linguistic differences, which may have helped him accept that people have different ways of seeing things. He shares another humorous story about his wife repeatedly singing "I'm Mark Zuckerberg" until they heard the actual song, Sia's "Unstoppable," at a mall, revealing her misinterpretation. He expresses admiration for his wife's willingness to "dig deep" and work through personal issues, despite coming from a culture that often prefers to move on from problems. He believes her efforts are motivated by her care and love for him and their family. Living in Thailand for 14 years, and especially being married with children, has been a significant period of growth for him. He confronts his own flaws, such as anger and impatience, acknowledging that he sometimes repeats patterns from his own childhood that he disliked. He is learning to accept his humanness, moving towards becoming a better father and husband, despite past struggles with self-acceptance. Tom recently realized he genuinely likes his own sense of humor, even if it's not universally appreciated. He finds satisfaction in making himself laugh and in sharing jokes on social media that resonate with others. He notes that his wife shares a dark sense of humor and laughs at the "funny parts" of comedy or movies that he does, which he sees as a strong connection between them. He cherishes an early experience watching Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds" with his wife, where her uproarious laughter at the bird attacks highlighted her unique perspective and ability to find joy even in severe situations. He reflects on the Thai perspective on life, sensing an understanding of its severity without sugarcoating it. Thais, in his view, find good within life without expecting material possessions to bring happiness. They may desire things like a new car for convenience, but they don't necessarily link it to their overall happiness, unlike a common Western mentality. Thailand, he believes, has taught him to let go of assumptions and old ideas, fostering a greater ability to live in what is real. This journey has also brought sadness, as he has become more in touch with the impermanence of life, observing his own aging, the passing of friends, and his parents. He no longer feels driven by the need for grand accomplishments or external validation. Instead, his focus has shifted to being a better person: treating his kids, wife, and himself with more kindness, and striving to be a more awake and generous individual. He finds deep fulfillment in simple, present moments, like a connected interaction with a 7-Eleven clerk, something that grand accomplishments never provided. He acknowledges that this motivation is partly rooted in past "injury" and his parents' early teachings about helping others, and he has found that acting selflessly ultimately makes him feel best.