3 Things My 20s Taught Me About Love &Happiness | Germaine Leonora | TEDxNgee Ann Polytechnic Youth

The speaker begins by asking the audience to consider what they believe will be the worst decade of their lives, suggesting that the 20s are often the most defining and difficult period. This is partly due to the prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making and impulse control, not fully maturing until around age 25, leading to embarrassing mistakes. Having recently turned 30, the speaker reflects on the past decade and shares three key lessons learned. The first lesson is that "attention is not affection." The speaker notes that many in the audience are part of the social media generation, deeply immersed in online platforms. While acknowledging a complicated relationship with social media, the speaker recounts joining TikTok in 2020. A video hitting 100,000 views initially felt validating, but quickly led to a new "dopamine baseline," creating a constant chase for higher engagement. This culminated in a "silly" unboxing video that garnered 24 million views, which the speaker identifies as a "fluke" despite the brain's tendency to perceive it as a new standard. This pursuit of online validation often leads to a "crash or slump" when those highs can't be replicated. The speaker advises "watering your life offline," emphasizing the importance of true connection beyond the online world. This point is illustrated with an anecdote about a youth from a public speaking program who desired to "go viral" to become famous. The speaker suggests that such a desire often stems from a lack of physical or emotional stability at home, with individuals seeking to fill that void with online validation, which ultimately proves insufficient. True connection, the speaker stresses, lies in offline support systems. The second lesson is "everything happens for a reason." The speaker admits to being a skeptic and a pessimist but explains that recent incidents have shifted this perspective. The "burnt toast theory" is introduced, which posits that minor delays, like burning toast, are actually protecting individuals from being in a place or situation they were not meant to experience. This could also apply to missed buses or trains, suggesting a redirection to something better. The speaker shares a personal experience from the previous year, when Universal Pictures invited her to host the "Wicked for Good Singapore premiere." Initially, she was excited, being a huge Ariana Grande fan. However, she was later informed she would only be hosting the "pre-event" or fan meets, not the main "yellow carpet" event. This caused disappointment and self-doubt, as she questioned why she wasn't deemed "good enough." Despite this, she dedicated herself to rehearsals, enduring late nights and early mornings. The fan meet turned out to be an intimate and positive experience, being the cast's first stop on their press tour. They were in high spirits, interacting closely with fans. In contrast, the global premiere later proved "very, very disappointing" due to an unspecified incident, which left the cast visibly distressed and feeling unsafe. During the fan meet, as the event concluded, the speaker recounts a moment where Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo gestured for her to join them for a group photo. Initially confused and in "work mode," she eventually realized they were inviting her to step onto the stage. This unexpected invitation resulted in a cherished photo and reinforced the lesson that even when an opportunity seems "lesser" or not what one initially desired, it can lead to something better. The third lesson addresses the age-old question: "Can money buy happiness?" The speaker asserts that the answer is "categorically yes," though not in the way most people might think. While acknowledging past mistakes made before her prefrontal cortex fully developed, she clarifies that financial resources act as a buffer against negative life events. Money, she explains, indirectly leads to happiness by affording freedom, choices, control over one's time, and overall comfort. However, the one thing money cannot buy back is time spent with loved ones. This was a hard lesson learned through the speaker's personal experience with her grandmother. She describes her grandmother as kind and warm, the first person she told about her fiancé. Last year, her grandmother was admitted to the hospital, a recurring event due to her old age and ailments. The speaker initially thought her grandmother would be discharged in a week or two and made excuses related to work, avoiding visits. Weeks later, she received a text that her grandmother was not doing well and needed to be seen immediately. Despite rushing to the hospital, she was too late; her grandmother had stopped breathing five minutes before she arrived. The speaker explains that grief manifests not immediately, but in the everyday absence of the loved one – at birthdays, Mother's Day, and future events like her upcoming wedding. She expresses deep regret for not making time to visit her grandmother, emphasizing that money cannot buy back that lost time. The speaker concludes by stating that loved ones don't need success, but rather time and presence. While encouraging ambition and career building, she cautions against confusing success with a fulfilled life, or attention with affection. The truly rich, she asserts, are those who invest in their loved ones.