Beyond The Impression | Vikas Parihar | TEDxJaipur National University

The speaker shares a personal, realistic life story focused on breaking patterns and building a future, moving beyond superficial impressions. He recounts a childhood nickname, "Jaki Sahab," given by friends not because he looked like a god, but because they saw the effort behind his impressive facade. This highlights the core theme: the difference between creating impressions and genuine substance. He describes a consistent pattern in his life: entering rooms, impressing people, building relationships, and advancing his career, which led to success, including studying at good colleges and working internationally. However, this pattern, while not entirely fake, became a problem. The societal pressure, particularly on men, to "stay strong" and "be strong" leads individuals to project an image of resilience and maturity, even when they are struggling internally. This outward projection can be mistaken for leadership, maturity, or success, masking underlying difficulties. The speaker emphasizes that we are taught how to succeed but not how to cope when plans fail. This leads to a pattern of continuing to show up and impress, even when things are falling apart. The common response to "How are you?" is "I'm okay," a pattern of self-deception where individuals don't admit their struggles. He realized that he had been deceiving himself, believing that looking strong was the same as being resilient, rather than being truthful about his weaknesses. His personal turning point came in June 2016 while he was a Managing Director in Kenya. Despite external success, he felt confused and questioned if his outward persona was his true self. This led him to research, including a UCLA study, which suggested that expressing feelings verbally helps regulate emotions. He began to name his feelings, moving from "I am stressed" to understanding *why* he was stressed. The speaker then details a period of significant personal trauma between 2015 and 2019. He lost his mother, his marriage ended, and he faced a failing startup. This was a time he was unprepared for, and his internal operating system, built on impressing others, couldn't handle it. His saving graces were his father's support and his son's hugs, which gave him the strength to persevere. He decided he had to stay, be truthful to himself, and keep working. He then began rebuilding his life. He pursued further education, returned to his career, and started writing books, which were published internationally. Writing became his way of expressing himself and processing his experiences. He also found solace in travel and wildlife photography, activities that brought him genuine happiness. He realized he had been living for others – a good son, father, husband, professional – and burning out. He decided to prioritize his own happiness, realizing that he needed to be "selfish" first to be able to make others happy. He concludes by stating that this conversation is not from someone who has achieved perfect success but from a person still healing, working on themselves, and learning. His core message is a commitment to not give up, even amidst ongoing struggles and confusion.