My Fiancé Is So Frugal I Don't Want To Marry Him

The speaker is concerned about her fiancé's frugal tendencies, which she describes as bordering on cheap, and wonders if this indicates incompatibility or if she should reassess their relationship. She provides examples, such as his overthinking the cheapest place to buy avocados and his expectation for her to contribute to dates and groceries. She explains that she and her fiancé are engaged, living together, and have a two-year-old son. She admits that living together before marriage was a point of disagreement, as she initially wanted to wait until they were married. However, he wanted to take things slow regarding marriage but still wanted to live together, which she sees as a conflict in their decision-making frameworks. She believes his decisions are primarily driven by saving money, which was a significant point of contention when deciding to live together. The speaker's concern is that her fiancé seems to prioritize financial security over her, the mother of his child. She recounts a period where they lived separately because she needed that space. When he later proposed, he wanted to move in together again. She felt pressured to compromise and allowed him to move in, which she now feels is the root of their conflict. She agrees that they should be married but his approach made her hesitant about moving forward. The discussion presents three options for their situation: get married, remain shacked up as they are, or split up. It's suggested that staying in the current situation without marriage won't resolve her concerns about his cheapness. The core issue goes beyond just his frugality; it's about his priorities and whether she feels chosen in the relationship. He seems to be getting what he wants, such as living together without the commitment of marriage, and prioritizing financial security over her. It's recommended that before they proceed with marriage, they seek counseling or therapy. While they already have a child and are connected for life, addressing the underlying causes of their conflict is crucial. The root of the issue is identified as selfishness on his part – his focus on what he gets and wants. While he can grow, it will require him to change and for her to set boundaries and demand this growth. The advice emphasizes that both partners need to do hard work in counseling. He needs to understand his role as a man is to serve and care for his family, rather than acting childishly over minor financial matters. True happiness comes from serving others, not from selfishness. The speaker is encouraged to stop tolerating his current behavior and demand that they get help, including therapy and potentially engaging with a church community, to move towards a proper marriage as a man and a woman, not a "little boy in his needs."