Am I Obligated To Take Care of My Parents? (They Have No Retirement)

A caller, a "baby steps millionaire," is seeking advice regarding her parents' financial situation. Through a series of recent unfortunate events, her parents, who are in their early 60s, have revealed they have no retirement or savings plan beyond the immediate future. The caller is questioning her obligation to care for them when the time comes. Her father is still working, while her mother is on disability and unable to work. The financial "mishaps" began post-2008 when her father's company was bought by an overseas entity and stripped, leading to lawsuits and eventual bankruptcy. Although he is out of bankruptcy and working, he has never regained the level of success he had when he owned his own business. Despite earning a six-figure salary, they have saved nothing since 2008. The caller explained that medical bills, including her mother's stroke, contributed to their financial woes. While they had health insurance, there was a delay in coverage, requiring them to front money. The insurance company then removed her mother from disability after initial approval. The caller became aware of their financial state when helping them file an appeal and going to court with the insurance company, which resulted in a small settlement that has since been spent. The underlying issue, beyond these specific events, is that after 2008, her parents were heartbroken and have not been diligent about saving, maintaining a lifestyle they couldn't sustain. The caller believes they have no intention of changing their habits. The advice given is that there is no moral obligation to take care of one's parents, just as there is no moral obligation to support grown children. However, the caller's desire to help her parents indicates she has a good heart, but she also recognizes their lack of diligence in managing money, which makes the prospect of supporting them difficult. The suggestion is to have a frank conversation with her parents about the future. The caller should explicitly state that if she has to provide financial support for their basic needs, it will involve selling all their possessions, and they will live on a strict budget she creates, which they will not like. This means they will not be able to maintain their current habits with her money. The goal of this blunt message is to motivate them to start saving now, as they still have earning years left. If they choose not to save, the outcome will be a drastically reduced lifestyle, possibly in a one-bedroom apartment, with the caller managing their groceries and rent, but no luxuries like Caribbean cruises. The hosts acknowledge that this situation has been "dribbling out" to the caller, and she hasn't been deeply involved until the recent insurance issue. They don't believe the parents are currently asking for help or advice, but the caller foresees the impending need. It is emphasized that beyond the financial advice, the caller needs to establish emotional boundaries to prepare for her parents' reaction if this scenario unfolds. She must be emotionally and mentally ready for any pushback and avoid guilt, as the emotional aspect will be the hardest part of executing this plan. This dynamic is common for the "sandwich generation," who feel pulls from both entitled parents and entitled grown children. The key is to remove the word "entitled," as no one is entitled to financial support from others. The discussion also touched on the parents' past financial decisions, including the business blowup and their handling of the insurance situation. The hosts stressed the importance of being proactive rather than passively allowing situations to unfold, especially with insurance companies. Ultimately, the caller has to decide how much preemptive action she wants to take. While she could choose to simply write checks and support them without worry, the fact that she called for advice indicates she doesn't want to take that route. Regarding the emotional hurdle of guilt or shame, the advice is to decide whether it is truly one's responsibility. If it is not, then there should be no shame or guilt. The only reason these feelings arise is if one believes it's their responsibility and fails to act. The biblical instruction to "honor your parents" does not mean honoring misbehavior or enabling destructive habits.