Expat Life: Is The "Johnny Appleseed Lifestyle" For You?

The speaker reflects on the concept of finding one's calling in life, a theme that resonated with him since fourth grade after watching Disney's "Johnny Appleseed." The story of Johnny Appleseed, who found his mission in planting apple trees and making a positive difference, deeply impacted the speaker, leading him to ponder his own purpose. Despite not having a clear career path in mind, he found himself drawn to helping others from a young age, becoming a teacher and counselor for various vulnerable populations without formal qualifications, learning extensively from experience and wise individuals around him. He recounts turning down a fully funded college education, a house, and a car from his parents, feeling a strong intuition that his path lay elsewhere. This led him to unexpected life turns, including moving to Vietnam in 2019, a decision he never anticipated as he wasn't a typical traveler. In Vietnam, he found a profound sense of peace and contentment, enjoying a simple, tranquil routine and healthy lifestyle. He felt no strong urge to date, having experienced a previous relationship ending due to irreconcilable differences, and was happy living a retired life in a foreign land. His life took another unexpected turn when he met his current wife, V, during a visa run to the Philippines. After a brief online chat, they met in person and began a relationship that led to marriage two years later. The speaker emphasizes V's unique quality among all the women he had dated: when asked about her ideal future, she simply desired "a simple, happy life," a response that perfectly aligned with his own aspirations. This contrasted with others, like a Vietnamese teacher he dated, who envisioned moving to America for her son's opportunities, a goal that signaled an incompatibility with his desire to remain abroad. Six years into their relationship and four years married, they continue to live a simple, happy life, characterized by peaceful resolutions to disagreements and a shared desire for tranquility. The speaker then delves into the profound decision-making process that led him to marriage, especially after experiencing such deep contentment as a single man in Vietnam. He had achieved 100% freedom, with no issues regarding money, time, or energy, and could pursue anything he desired. This newfound contentment prompted him to revisit the "Johnny Appleseed" dilemma: should he continue his life as a happy, uncommitted bachelor, or commit to marriage, which he knew would fundamentally change his life, having been married twice before? He weighed the pros and cons, finding himself at a 50/50 crossroads. The core of his deliberation revolved around which path better suited his calling to help people. As a single man, he realized he could be a "Johnny Appleseed" for women, entering many lives for varying periods, leaving them better off—smarter, more financially focused, or emotionally supported, often without expectation of return. He described scenarios of helping women financially for education or offering emotional guidance, viewing it as a way to "leave the world a better place behind him" in women's lives. However, he concluded that this approach is incompatible with marriage, as a wife would reasonably view such generosity to other women as a threat to their shared financial security and future. He illustrated this dichotomy with an analogy: the single path is like watering many trees (women) along a road, providing what each needs for a short period. The married path, however, involves setting up a home next to one tree (wife) and dedicating all resources—time, money, energy, and care—to ensure that one tree thrives exceptionally well. The turning point for him was realizing he had already spent seven years doing the "Johnny Appleseed" approach, which, while satisfying, felt complete. He desired to experience a truly successful marriage, having witnessed his mother and stepfather's wonderful, peaceful, and mutually supportive relationship for 35 years. He saw marriage as a challenge, a high-stakes endeavor with a significant failure rate, much like qualifying for the Navy Seals. He decided to commit to this challenge, choosing to invest everything into one relationship. After two years of observing his wife's consistent character, he proposed, and they have now been married for four years. While acknowledging the "cost" of giving up the single life, he has no regrets. He reflects on the futility of trying to "fix the world" or help everyone, a lesson learned from years of working with the homeless and realizing that some individuals, despite opportunities, lack the will to improve their lives. This personal insight, exemplified by a past experience helping a former girlfriend who later made poor choices, further solidified his decision to focus his efforts on his marriage. He emphasizes the importance of consciously deciding where to invest one's time, money, energy, and passions, rather than passively drifting through life. He concludes by stressing that even a short period of passionate pursuit of one's calling is more fulfilling than living without purpose.