When Death is Not A Stranger | Luke Liu | TEDxNAIS Shanghai Youth

The speaker, Luke, a grade 11 student, begins by playing the Guangu, an Asian Chinese instrument, and reflects on its traditional meaning tied to a poem about a soldier missing home. He proposes a new interpretation: the Guangu can symbolize letting go of the fear that prevents us from seeing reality. Luke argues that understanding life requires confronting death, which he believes is often treated as a stranger despite being unavoidable. He suggests that getting closer to death might actually help us live better. Luke shares his first profound encounter with death at 16 during his great-grandfather's memorial ritual. As the youngest family member, he was tasked with the final viewing. He describes the intense and raw experience of seeing his deceased great-grandfather, realizing for the first time what it truly meant to be "gone." This experience, he notes, is often shielded from us by society. He contrasts this with an earlier, less impactful experience at a relative's funeral where the body appeared waxy and overly made-up. His role at his great-grandfather's ceremony was to shave his beard, a tradition symbolizing the cutting of worldly ties for the deceased to move on peacefully. He likens the process to shaving his legs, requiring careful attention. This led him to research other Chinese funeral customs, finding his own tradition less unusual than others. He recounts meeting a family in Fujian who kept their grandmother's body at home for over a year, preserving it so well she appeared to have died only weeks prior. The family continued daily rituals, dressing her, tucking her in, and even sharing meals with her, believing she could hear and appreciate their actions. Luke suggests this deep connection with the deceased might explain the longevity of such traditions. He contrasts this with a negative reaction he received in the US when sharing his experience, highlighting how quickly death customs can change. He points out that within a century, the entire death system has been "outsourced and erased." He contrasts the American tradition of vigils with more vibrant celebrations in places like Jamaica and Haiti, involving singing, dancing, and games. He laments that such meaningful rituals have been reduced to superficial interactions with the deceased. Luke challenges the modern societal avoidance of death, stating that before the rise of professional death care, people were much closer to it. He argues that the shift of death care from families to professionals has led to absurd myths, such as the idea that deceased bodies are unsafe or that funeral directors must immediately take possession of them. He asserts that unless the death was from a highly contagious disease, it is safe to be around loved ones. He emphasizes that death is not an emergency and encourages people to take their time, hold hands, tell stories, and even wash the body if they feel comfortable. He believes the funeral industry, a billion-dollar business, may discourage people from regaining control over these processes. However, Luke's own experience with his great-grandfather's body brought him closer to his own mortality and that of his loved ones. He stresses that when we inevitably lose someone, the decision of how to handle their body is ours, and being involved can be empowering, saving money and changing the grieving process. He concludes by viewing death not as an end, but as a bridge between the past and present, and between grief and healing, a concept he believes our ancestors understood and which it is time for us to rediscover.