Arrêtez d'être "trop gentil" : 5 signes que l'on vous utilise (et comment dire STOP)

This video addresses the phenomenon of being taken for granted, a subtle issue where individuals realize they are being used rather than appreciated. Often, this dynamic is inadvertently created by being overly available, accommodating, or predictable. The speaker outlines five concrete signs that people are taking you for granted and provides specific phrases and reactions to reverse the trend. Sign number one is when people no longer ask for your input but instead inform you of decisions. For example, a colleague might say, "I've put you on this file," instead of "Could you help me with this file?" This removes your consent from the equation. To react, calmly state, "I think you forgot the part where you ask if I'm available." This highlights their behavior without accusing, reintroduces your consent, and prevents conflict. If they respond, "It was obvious you'd say yes," you can counter with, "I don't assume it's automatic." Sign number two is that your efforts are invisible, but your errors are never. When you do something well or go beyond expectations, it goes unnoticed, treated as normal. However, the moment you fall short or say no, it is immediately highlighted and remembered. This is common at work, where long hours on a project are ignored, but a ten-minute delay is criticized. In friendships, you might always be there for a friend, but they are unavailable when you need them. To react, don't demand recognition, but make the invisible visible. When criticized for a shortcoming after weeks of being exemplary, respond calmly, "I understand your concern, but I'd also like us to consider the twenty times I went above and beyond without being asked." This reestablishes balance and sends a clear message that you won't let your contributions be reduced to a single error. Sign number three is being contacted only when someone needs something. This is exemplified by someone you haven't spoken to in months reaching out, only for you to discover they need your help with a specific skill. A simple "reciprocity test" involves checking who initiates conversations in your close relationships. If it's always you, and others only initiate when they need a favor, you have your answer. The advice is not to cut ties immediately but to stop chasing people. If someone only contacts you for favors, stop initiating contact for a while to see who makes an effort to maintain the relationship. The next time such a person asks for a favor, respond, "With pleasure, but first, let's grab a coffee soon. It's been a while." This conditions the service on a genuine relational moment. If they accept, the relationship might improve; if they dodge and insist on the favor, you know where you stand. Sign number four is when people cancel appointments without hesitation. This refers to recurrent cancellations, often last-minute, with vague excuses. These same people wouldn't cancel on their boss or someone they want to impress, but with you, it's easy because they know you'll understand and be available next time. A person who respects you will sincerely apologize, explain, and propose an alternative. Someone who takes you for granted will just say, "I can't make it," expecting you to reschedule. To react, do not do the work for them. Do not propose another date or say, "No problem, we'll reschedule whenever." Simply respond, "No problem, we'll cross paths again." Then, silence. If they return, don't jump at the chance. Slow down and ask, "Okay, what do you propose?" and observe if they make an effort to set a clear appointment. Your time is valuable and not a reset button. Sign number five, an escalation of the first, is when people decide for you without consulting you. This happens at work when your schedule is changed without notice, or a colleague commits you to something. In personal life, a partner might accept an invitation for both of you or a friend might promise your help with a move without asking. This signifies that your opinions, desires, and schedule are deemed irrelevant. Here, you must be direct. The next time someone makes a decision concerning you without consultation, look at them and say, "Next time, I prefer you consult me before committing on my behalf." Do not justify or apologize. You have a fundamental right to be consulted. Don't hesitate to use your schedule as a reason to decline, stating, "Sorry, you didn't ask, and I have other plans." If they respond, "I knew you'd say yes," or "It's just a small thing," do not yield. Reply, "Perhaps, but it's my decision to make." If you recognize yourself in these signs, understand that being taken for granted is a dynamic that can be reversed. It won't happen overnight or without friction. Some people may not understand or may even resent your changes, but those who truly appreciate you will adapt and respect your boundaries, leading to healthier